She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They have beer where we have blood.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
