Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
