i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
