So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
