there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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