Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
