I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
