dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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