We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
