That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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