I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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