called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
