that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
