Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
