I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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