At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have demons in me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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