yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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