I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
