i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I want is dick and wine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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