Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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