she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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