All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize