you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
