my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
