He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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