I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
