So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
