is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
