Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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