everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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