I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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