i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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