so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
