I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
