He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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