she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
