my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
