your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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