dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
