Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
