guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
