Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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