Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
