If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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