so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
