You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
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