so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
