we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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