thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize