So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
