im about as happy as oj after his trial
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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