I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
