he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
