Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
