can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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