my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
