I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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