Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
