The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
