Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
