I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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