four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
And then he peed in my hair
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