as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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