Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
