Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
